


Sheltered Haven

by Disturbed Turtle (fairurbanstrife)



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, M/M, Not Romance, Post Advent Children, Tragedy, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairurbanstrife/pseuds/Disturbed%20Turtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does Cloud really want?<br/>Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.<br/>Please leave your comments and kudos!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sheltered Haven

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very light yaoi type story, so if you don't like that, turn back now. It is out of my comfort zone, but I wanted to challenge myself. Just to be clear, it is not a romance, it is more an angst.
> 
> I don't mind reading yaoi, but writing it is another story altogether. Any sex scene, whether it is male/male or female/male, I get really embarrassed and am usually glowing a bright red while I'm writing it. Then when I go back and read what I wrote, I either like it and save it back and never look at it again, or I just erase it. I am not very good at writing sex scenes or fight scenes, but I did improve the scene between Zack and Cloud in this version.
> 
> This is the uncut version that I posted on FFnet and there is also a shorter version on there too.

"The _less_ people speak of their greatness, the _more_ we think of it." -Lord Bacon

Sheltered Haven

They sat across the room and he watched them from the corner of his eye.

"So what do you think?" She asked with expectancy in her eyes, "Cloud? Are you listening to me?" Tifa waved her hand slowly in front of his face.

Cloud twitched his face back in a grimace, "Yeah, Tifa. Whatever color you want is fine with me." Looking at the color swatches she had laid across the table top. He rested his chin in the palm of his hand and tried his best to look interested. A quick glance to his right, he could see Zack seemed genuinely interested in the conversation that Aerith had him roped into. He conversed with her and his hand went to her face in a soft gesture of love. She leaned into his gentle touch and a smile lit her face. His smile was just as large and the two of them were beautiful together.

 _Smack!_ Cloud jerked from his thoughts as Tifa's hand hit the table, "Cloud this is important! Don't you care about our wedding?"

With an impatient look, he said, "I am sure that whatever you pick will be beautiful." He stood up and went to the hall closet, "I forgot that I had an errand to run for Barret, I'll be back later." Slinging his jacket over his shoulders, he rushed out the door.

Tifa looked over at Aerith and Zack sitting on the couch. They had since quieted and looked at the scene laid out in front of them. Tifa sighed and a frustrated look pierced Zack's will to stay with Aerith. He stood up and grabbed his jacket, "I'll go see what's up." Giving Aerith a quick kiss, he followed the blond out the door. "Hey Cloud! Wait up!" Zack trotted across the driveway to him just as he swung his leg over the large black motorcycle, "Hey I'll go with you. I gotta get out of that estrogen filled room." Zack swung his leg over the motorcycle and settled in behind Cloud, "So, where are we going?" Cloud just looked over his shoulder at Zack and the blonde's loud sigh was not lost on him.

Starting up the powerful bike, they took off toward open land just outside of Edge. As they drove through the streets, people stepped aside and waved. Cloud wasn't proud of the fact that he was considered a hero; he just wanted to be left alone. When Sephiroth had tried again, through Kadaj, to destroy the planet and Cloud had killed him again, he found out that Zack was actually still alive. Thinking that he was dead when he had left him all alone on that cliff so many years before, clenched in a twist of guilt. However, finding the lab that Hojo's lackeys had him in, he mounted a quiet rescue.

Once Zack was back, it had seemed to be a whole different world to Cloud. Zack had been grateful that the warrior had saved Aerith from becoming a shish-kabob on the end of Sephiroth's sword. That was when he started turning in on himself and solidifying that emotional wall that he had to stay behind.

Cloud shrugged his shoulders at the feel of Zack's tight grip around his waist. Gunning the bike at the exit to the city limits, the dust rose in a large plume behind them. Looking in the side mirror at the city shrinking smaller and smaller, he pushed Fenrir to the limit and as the speed increased, Zack's grip got tighter. Pulling himself closer to his ear, Zack asked his friend, "Are you going to talk to me?"

Slamming his gloved hand down on the brake, they slid sideways into a skidding stop. Jumping off the back of the bike, he yelled, "What is going on with you?" Cloud just sat on the bike and looked away from him. Zack walked away from him a few steps with his hands on his hips and lowering his head, "Is it the wedding?"

Cloud scoffed, "Don't act like you know what I'm feeling. You've only been back a year," Zack turned around and faced him and the blond just stared back at him.

Zack took a step forward, "Spike, after you killed Sephiroth again and found out that I was still alive, you came for me. That was the day I started living again. I missed a lot, but that doesn't give you the right to think that I don't care about you."

Cloud pulled himself off the bike and stepped up to the taller man, "Listen, I love Tifa, but…" Lowering his gaze to the ground, he sighed and turned back around and walked back to his bike.

"But what Cloud? You have been acting so weird lately. I just want to help you," Zack came up behind him and put his hand gently on Cloud's shoulder.

Cloud shrugged his hand off and swung his leg over the bike, "I gotta get out of here."

Running to the front of the bike, "Stop running away!" Zack's hands leaned on the front fender, "Just stop. I don't know what is going on with you, but you need to just stop running."

Cloud stared at his friend, not knowing what to say or do. One thing he did know was how persistent Zack could be. He figured his best bet would be to just lie to him, so he came up with the best one he could think of, "I'm just nervous, that's all."

Standing up straight, he sighed, "That's what I thought," Zack went over and pulled Cloud's arm until he got off the bike. Zack wrapped his arms around him in a long firm hug, "As your best man, I am here to help okay." Despite his being squished against his shoulder, he kept his hands at his sides. Zack said right beside his head, "You know, it won't kill you to hug me back."

Cloud sighed and rolled his eyes, wrapped his arms around him and then dropped them just as quickly, "There. There is a hug, now let me go."

"Geez, how the hell does Tifa stand it? Are you this in affectionate in the bedroom?" Zack pushed him back lightly and smiled.

Cloud's mouth dropped, "Zack I… I, Oh never mind," Turning back to his bike, he started to get back on when Zack grabbed him and turned him around.

With both his hands holding him and keeping him from getting away, Zack's hypnotizing eyes peered deep into his heart, "There's something else isn't there?" The soft voice lowered and was drenched in concern, "What is it Cloud?"

Cloud leaned against the side of Fenrir, he wanted to relive a memory, but it was too painful anymore. He wanted to tell him, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. Cloud looked at him with a look of confusion, "Tifa and I have… you know…" Cloud turned red and Zack lowered his hands from the blonde's shoulders. Taking a deep breath, the shorter man shyly recounted, "It just wasn't what I expected I guess," Looking up into Zack's perfect aquamarine eyes, Cloud's heartbroken eyes pleaded with him to understand so that he wouldn't have to say it.

Zack took a step back, rubbed the back of his head and smiled, "Oh, well, it does get better man! I promise."

Cloud lowered his eyes and tears threatened to fall. He took a deep breath and cursed Zack's thick head, for someone that prided themselves with reading body language, Zack was failing miserably. Cloud figured after all the time that they had spent together, all the things that they had been through, he would, or should know. Exasperated, he stood up and turned to get back on the bike , "Let's just go," Looking at Zack over his shoulder, he added, "Unless you want to walk back."

"Hell no I don't want to walk back," Zack settled in behind Cloud again and said, "If Aerith has that baby and I'm not there, there is no way she would let me live it down."

Zack put his arms around his waist and he briefly looked down at his friend's large tan hands. Starting up the bike, they circled back around and headed back for Edge. As he drove, the memory rose up and he was once again in that familiar lab cell.

_They sat there on the bed after more of Hojo's torturous tests. For three years now, it was nothing but pain, physical and emotional, and the younger boy was breaking down. Feeling the warmth of Zack's neck on his forehead and the comfort that came with it, Cloud relaxed. Zack's strong arms circled his body in a secure and affectionate embrace. The constant feeling as though his death was imminent, Zack was always there to comfort him. Nuzzling his face into Zack's neck, his strong hands rubbed the younger's arm trying to reassure him._

_Lifting his head just a little, Cloud's lips gently kissed Zack's neck and he inhaled deeply in surprise to his own boldness. The side of his head rested on Zack's shoulder and he either didn't seem to notice, or he didn't mind it. Cutting his eyes up enough to see part of the other man's face, he blankly stared forward. Kissing his neck again and again, still Zack only responded by hugging him tighter and quietly questioned, "Cloud…?"_

_Cloud sat up on his knees on the bed and looked at Zack until he finally turned to face him. Soft tears dripped down his rosy cheeks, "I don't want to die Zack…" Choking back a few more tears, he finished, "I don't want to die not knowing what love feels like."_

_Swallowing his fear of rejection, Cloud took Zack's face in his hands and kissed him gently at first. Jerking back, he struggled, but Cloud pressed harder into him until his resistance finally fell and he eventually kissed him back. Eagerness came from Cloud's lips as they parted and he softly parted Zack's lips with his tongue._

_With renewed eagerness, they kissed with passion, as if their life depended on it. Breaking the kiss, he pulled both his and Zack's shirts off and met again with another kiss. Pushing forward until Zack's back was flat on the mattress and the younger boy was looking down at the other's glowing and confused eyes, Cloud kissed his neck and covered his chest with his craving kisses._

_Zack's hands firmly took the blond by his shoulders and pulled him back up to take another taste of Cloud's want and need. Moist lips caressed Cloud's neck and awkwardly flipped the blond on to his back and showered kisses on his chest and stomach._

_Slowly, they explored each other in curiosity and desperation. That night, Cloud got to feel; actually feel what love could be like. The pain from Hojo stopped for a time and was replaced with a feeling of security and a private sanctuary that just he and Zack were allowed in. Their haven stayed there for only them when they needed to escape the torment that Hojo always seem to provide._

When they got back to the apartment above the restaurant, Cloud just stayed on the bike. Zack got off and started in the door. When he turned and saw Cloud still sitting there, he headed back and with his beautiful smile he urged, "Come on. Your bride-to-be is waiting for you."

Cloud nodded, "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." Zack turned and went inside.

Sitting there, he tried to figure out what his real feelings were. He stared at the door that led to the woman that he loved, but it wasn't the same. With a shake of his head, he started the bike back up and left the restaurant behind him. He heard the door slam open and Zack yelling something but he couldn't make out what it was. Once back out on the road, he went back out to the wasteland outside of Edge. The faster he went the better he seemed to feel.

For so long after Zack had died, he longed for his friend's touch, so soft and gentle yet strong and masculine. Accepting his death for what it was, it had been difficult. For years, Zack was comforting to him, always knowing what he needed at that moment. He was grateful to him for getting him through the hell that they lived for so long. One thing he did know was, as fucked up as he was after Zack died, he would be dead or a monster if it weren't for him.

Maybe that is why, the reason for his want, his need for him to be there, in his arms.

_Zack_

Was it always about him? For so long when he thought that Zack was dead, he never once thought about moving on to anyone else to be there for him. Betrayed, he betrayed Zack's love, never once wanting to follow through with his promise to him. Why had he promised? The wish of a dying man. Don't you always tell them what they wanted to hear, to appease their soul as it departed this world?

There was a moment when Zack told him to live for the both of them. Had he done that? Had he deceived Zack? How could he forget someone so important to him? Forgetting someone so close to his heart just screamed at him to do anything to make it right. Then to make matters worse, he had begun to think that he actually was Zack. He had taught him so much, and yet he trampled all over his memory as though it were a fire to be stamped out.

_Zack_

He was always there for him to catch him when he fell, never complaining about having to take care of him all those times. The only thing that told him that Zack was human and not an angel sent to help him survive was the very few times that Cloud actually had to catch him. When he needed him, Zack was always there, with a smile and a reassuring hug and strong arm to shield him.

When he was in pursuit of Sephiroth, a group of strangers followed along. They had made him their leader. He never wanted that. Zack was the one who wanted to be a hero, not him. He just wanted… he didn't know. Wasn't that the problem? Not knowing what he wanted made everything that much more difficult. So many times he thought of just leaving, running and hiding.

But then something happened. He didn't really know how, he really didn't know when, but it did.

_Tifa_

The girl he grew up with, her laugh, her smile and her willingness to pull him along with her to make trouble and fun. She was the one who found him after Zack's death. He had been exhausted, sick and confused and she took him in, fed him and gave him a safe place to lay his head.

_Tifa_

Why didn't he notice before? She was there with him the whole time after Zack died. He would fall and she would pick up the pieces and put everything back together. For who? Who was she doing it for? Herself? No, it was for him, it had always been for him. He just had been too blind to see it.

Who was it that pieced _him_ back together? He fell apart, into broken shattered pieces of a human being that didn't deserve the love that she showed. Why had she done it? It was for him. It wasn't until then, that he started to see her for what she really was, his.

She was the reason he had the will to fight, the condition of his soul was her doing. Sephiroth went down, and then he was alone for the final showdown. The group left him to finish the job. Why? Why would they do something like that?

He stood in that dark void, sword in hand, Sephiroth in front of him. The fight, the cuts, the slashes and the pain of the whole process was tearing him apart again. He was going to _lose_ this fight, and they had all left him, alone. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of Tifa, the woman who was there, even when she wasn't. If he lost this fight, she would die, everyone would die. He had to fight, he had to win and he had to be that hero that Zack had always wanted to be.

Picking up his bloody body from the ground, dragging his sword with him he stepped forward. Hearing the maniacal laughter from Sephiroth as he mused about his determination, he remembered him asking if he just liked the pain. Of course not, but he had a reason to fight. Zack, Tifa and his heart lead the way to his attack and final assault on Sephiroth. The way he gashed, sliced and run his sword through Sephiroth's body, it was the strength that _they_ gave him.

After Sephiroth was beaten, Tifa showed him that Zack was not the only one who could show him what love was. He never knew that love could feel so good and horrible at the same time. Was he betraying Zack or following his wishes?

Years later, after the remnants were beaten, and the geostigma gone, he could hear a whisper. A light and effortless sound that brought him over to hear Kadaj as he spoke. How did he know? Was it someone else telling him? What was he hearing? Kadaj disappeared, and he was alone again. He felt relief, relief that it was over. Again he could try to understand. Then the pain, shot through the chest, the shock at what happened, falling down and leaving this life in a blaze of fire and smoke.

With a soft and gentle nudge, he slept soundly and finally he could feel peace in the lifestream. Honest to goodness tranquility. He thought that Zack would be there to meet him at this point, but no. Maybe he had offended him in some way, but then again, he had lied to his dying friend. Of course he wouldn't be there.

As if not seeing Zack weren't bad enough, he was pulled, dragged, ripped from his slumber because the lifestream rejected him. It rejected him just like the people did when he was a kid, everyone rejected him. He grew up with almost everyone abusing, hating him. Always despised or ignored, they always felt the need to beat him to get him to buckle under the pressure. He always fought though, never knowing why.

Upon leaving the lifestream behind, he heard a secret. It couldn't be real, he had to have been just hearing what he wanted to hear. Zack was alive? Waking up in the bed that he and Tifa had made, he was sure that he was just dreaming. That's what it was, a dream. However, it nagged and strained at his heart. There would be no harm in looking into it, Tifa didn't have to know right away.

" _It's the gospel truth Cloud. I swear!" Reno's eyes told him that was all he knew. He had to find this place, but taking along everyone else? He wasn't so sure about that. The people that started as strangers had become his friends and he didn't want them to see his vulnerability. That was what Zack was to him, an exposed, unprotected nerve._

_Cloud stood across the room from Reno and tried not to sound desperate, "Would you go with me? I'm sure that there will be some sort of security that I'll need your help with."_

_With a slap on the back Reno added his enthusiasm, "Of course!" In some ways, Reno reminded him of Zack, his determination, his loyalty and he always seemed to have the right thing to say._

' _Of course' he says. He doesn't know how this will change everything. Taking only Reno along as back up may have not been the best idea, but they still got past security. Reno's computer savvy got the locks and laser grids turned off while Cloud killed the others that resisted and fought him. Reno stood guard at the entrance to the rather small lab and left Cloud to look for Zack, alone._

_The quiet filled his ears, no screams, no yells for help, nothing. Darkness crept around his flashlight and moved back and away from him only at the light's persistence. Was Zack even here? Wouldn't he have called out?_

_The last cell at the end of the hall was the final place to search. The latched creaked loudly and the luminescence of mako filled the otherwise pitch black room. The nude figure that was submerged in the tank placed his hand up to the glass. Aquamarine eyes, large as saucers, stared back at the blond. Cloud couldn't move, couldn't speak, he just stood there staring at his past in a tube, helpless and weak._

" _Cloud! Hurry the hell up!" Reno's voice ricocheted down the concrete and tile corridor shocking him into action._

_Jerking forward, he searched for what he needed to get to Zack. Tapping, soft tapping came from the black haired man demanding Cloud's attention. With a wave of his hand he pointed to a panel on the other side of the tank. Cloud's fingers would hover above a button; Cloud would wait for his confirmation if that was the correct one. Hitting the correct sequence, the mako drained slowly from the tank, leaving a weakened Zack at the bottom. The button to open the tank itself is all that held him from holding him once again. He could be Zack's hero._

_A click and a slide of the door had him at Zack's side. A sheet that he found on a near-by gurney covered him, and hopefully preserved what little dignity that he had left. Sweeping him into his arms, the half-starved frail frame of his friend shivered and was light and easy to carry from the horror that he had endured._

Now what was he supposed to do? For so long he mourned Zack and then suddenly he was back. Taking him to Aerith's house seemed the most plausible action, but that was when it got the most difficult. Aerith, so beautiful, loving and an enchanting life on this otherwise miserable planet. Of course Zack loved her, Cloud loved her too, or was it Zack's memories?

Both of them were nursing him back to health until one day Zack told him to go. Go back to Tifa he said, he either didn't remember or he didn't care. Which one was it? Little clues that Zack would leave for him, bread crumbs to the truth, he did remember, everything. He knew it, he just chose to ignore and made his home with Aerith. Their wedding was just a month after Cloud had found him.

He supposed it was fitting that Zack chose him to be the best man. Dutifully he stood there, next to his friend and watched as two beautiful people pledged their love and lives to one another. His downward spiral began that day and didn't let up. Sinking into a hole that no matter how he tried, he just sunk deeper.

Stopping his bike, he stared at the city that he helped build after Meteor Fall. So many people had looked to him to fix things. The pressure kept building and once it got to the limit, he left.

Finding a suitable spot to rest, he got off his bike and sat against the rocks. Stretching out his legs, he moaned at the soreness in them. Laying his head back he rested the back of his head on the boulder behind him. The blue sky was broken up with small wispy white clouds. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

"Hey, wake up!" A foreign boot kicked at the bottoms of Cloud's boots. Opening his eyes, there stood Zack, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Zack grabbed his hand and pulled him up to his feet, "Tifa is worried about you. Hell, I'm worried about you."

Cloud walked around him and toward his bike, "Zack, just go. Aerith is going to have that baby anytime now. I don't need you."

Zack harshly grabbed his arm and yanked him around to face him, "I don't think you believe that," He forced Cloud to look at him, "Now tell me what is really upsetting you. I am not letting go until you do!"

Cloud swallowed hard and blinked slowly, his voice was quiet, "I love you Zack."

Zack released his arm and for a moment there was nothing until his hand covered his mouth in surprise. Cloud watched him run through the past behind his eyes, "Cloud. That was… that was just…"

Cloud couldn't move, he seemed stuck, physically, mentally. He reached out to Zack and he pulled back, out of Cloud's reach, "Zack I'm sorry, I just… I-I'll go now."

Turning to get on Fenrir, Zack grabbed him and turned Cloud around and hugged him tightly, "Cloud, I love you too, but that… that was not what you think it was."

Cloud wrestled out of Zack's grasp, "Maybe not for you, but it was for me," Cloud's palms met with the muscular chest and pushed him away. Staggering back a few steps, Zack did nothing but watch in surprise as he got on his bike and left. In the rear view mirror, he watched as Zack stood there until he couldn't see him anymore.

It has been two years now, and he sat at the counter of the shop he now owned. The town was small, but he liked the quiet and he reveled in the solitude. He watched people come, and people go, but it was never who he wanted to see.


End file.
